Those Phrases shared by A Father That Helped Me as a New Parent

"I believe I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."